⚠️ Warning
This is a completely fictional story. Any resemblance to real events, alien signals, or neighbors with faster Wi-Fi is purely coincidental… or a very well-executed simulation.
The concepts of Natrium, Crop Circles, Black Holes, Dopamine Loop, Cyberpsychology, Personal Digital Twins, and Neurotechnology appear here in a comical science fiction context, as a summary of previous posts. They have been reinterpreted for narrative and absurdly funny purposes.
If you’re curious about the real meanings behind these ideas (and how they connect to our actual world), feel free to click on the links to our previous posts. Learn something new while laughing your circuits off!
Chapter 1
In the year 2089, humanity celebrated a historic milestone: the successful transmission of the first quantum meme to Mars. However, no one paid attention to the real event that would change the course of galactic history—a humble cup of coffee in Cuenca, Spain.
Luz Cuesta Mogollón (yes, her parents had a sense of humor), 82 years old, was beginning her morning ritual: hot coffee, reheated croquettes (delicious, according to three generations of Cuenca locals), and Pasión de Gavilanes on her quantum television (bought in a 2-for-1 deal with augmented reality and voice-yelling control).
But when you put the coffee cup in your Chinese microwave—equipped with Bluetooth, Wi-Fi, and possibly emotions—she unknowingly activated the 5.88 THz frequency. Combined with her turbo-hyper-ultra router with 12 antennas (installed by her nephew “Benito”), this generated a space-time vortex between the jamón serrano and the pantry.
And boom—domestic wormhole!
The result: a signal crossed 4.37 light-years in 0.003 seconds and landed directly in the Alpha Centauri B system.
Grandma’s Router and the Wormhole
The Xarblonians, an advanced civilization of pure energy—peaceful and blissfully free of ads for cosmic antenna extensions—were the first to intercept the signal. They were expecting perhaps a scientific transmission, a message of peace… but what they received was a chaotic mix of:
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A cat playing a keyboard (in psychedelic trap remix).
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A zero-gravity makeup tutorial.
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The intro to Money Heist: Galactic Rebellion.
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And of course, a reggaetón music video so bad (is there a good one?) that the Xarblonians classified it as a “weapon of mass neural destruction.”
For three and a half minutes, their shared consciousness cloud endured what they described as “a storm of rhythmic noise and incomprehensible lyrics about spaceships, kisses, and zero gravity.”
Human Culture: Highly Contagious
The Xarblonians, who until then were debating the energy balance of their Natrium reactor and the philosophical consequences of black holes, began obsessing over things like crop circles (messages? branding? interstellar agriculture apps?) and, worst of all, discovered human TikTok.
Zrrrlgh, their leader, went from interdimensional speaker to streamer in just two solar days. Under the username @ZetaZaddy42, he began posting reaction videos to human theories about personal Digital Twins, doing duets with Earthlings explaining the cyberpsychology of dogs who think they’re people, and even joining dopamine loop challenges with background music by Shakira 6.0.
His followers grew faster than conspiracy theories on Reddit-β. Things started spiraling when his content began altering the neural behavior patterns of the Xarblonian species.
Luckily, their organic neurotechnology adapted their entertainment system to follow human logic: short, absurd, and addictively scrollable content.
Last Transmission of the Chapter:
Zrrrlgh looks at the camera, adjusts his psychic antennas, and says during his latest stream:
“Friends of the Multiverse… what else is there on that planet called Earth? More croquettes? More soap operas? More Luz Cuesta Mogollón? This… this is addictive.”
And just before the transmission cut off—because grandma rebooted the router for bedtime—Zrrrlgh was seen whispering with a photon-glimmer in his eyes:
“We shall try WhatsApp…”
To be continued… if grandma doesn’t turn off the router.
